What is neediness? Have you ever been with someone who wanted to spend every free

minute with you? Perhaps they called several times a day, sometimes with no reason

except to “hear your voice”, and always at times that were inconvenient for you. If you

wanted a night off or to see friends for even a few hours, the needy person might put on

a show of anger, passive-aggressiveness, or try to guilt you out of it.

In the first few flush weeks or months of a new relationship, lots of attention and time

spent together sounds like heaven. And sadly, friends and family and even the office

may come in second place for awhile. But once the mystery wears off and you know it’s

time to get your mind back on work or get fired, it can be a problem to get hourly calls at

your desk.
 

Outward signs of dependency can be many. Constant fear of others’ opinions; the

concern of having their imperfections exposed; very low self-esteem; immaturity; lack of

willpower; becoming ill to attract attention; desire for constant reassurance and stroking; wanting pity from others; fear of losing love; saying “yes” when a “no” is in order; the list is long. Plus, all this can cause depression.  Neediness can have different causes. Ultimately, it stems from the fear of being unloved, rejected, and/or abandoned.

It most often starts at an early age. Inconsistent attention from parents and other

important family members often leave a child feeling unloved and invalidated, causing him or her to go the extra mile to get noticed and with luck maybe even some hint of acceptance. When congratulations come rarely or never, some children give up trying. 

The ones who are most likely to become needy keep up the routine unconsciously, and continue to use attention-getting tactics – good or bad - even as they get older. (No anyone who’s still trying to please mom or dad? Or are workaholics?) Dependency traits can manifest in handwriting in several ways. With one exception, it’s best to find a minimum of four such traits in a sample to determine if a writer is truly needy.  Here’s a list of neediness signs to look for:

I

. Plays-it-safe (school type writing)

I

I. Cautious (long terminal strokes in MZ)

I

II. Self-consciousness (m- or n-humps increase in height)

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